Puns jokes

If trees could kill you, they wood.

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak