Drunk jokes

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with? why did you drive so fast.?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you? ” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Question: How was Covid19 born? Answer:Someone f@cked batman??

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A drunk guy runs into a bar… he bangs his head and falls down, why? Because he is in a prison cell.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. ‘Oh no.’ He says to his friend’ if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.’ ‘Dont worry’ his friend says. ‘Put a?20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the?20 note for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Brilliant!’ the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. ‘No no’ the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. ‘A man threw up on me and gave me?20 for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Whats the other? 20 note for?’ asks his wife. ‘Ah, that’s from the man who shat in my pants…’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11: 45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray One, two It’s been a couple months That’s just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven’t felt that in a while It’s late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it’s pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Mom I’m pregnant are you drunk why because your boy

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My freind Andrew once told me that “weird is high and drunk at the same time”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2024