Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…
Me: So… You’re new?
Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm!
Me: Well what are your skills?
Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know…
Me: What are you trying out for?
Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts.
Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job…
Me: How did you know about us?
Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends!
Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos)
Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS:) AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED:]
Depression: tHaNKS:)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED:]
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
%%Rules of Dark humor:
All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site. Sincerely, Zane
Sincerely, Zane
Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.
What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal???
LIFE
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda,
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
%%My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety Help me…
Help me…
What’s the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”
Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”
Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”
Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”
Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.???
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end
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