Best Jokes

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope i’ll get hit by a car. am not dead yet, i hope i’ll die. I hope i’ll born to a new hole life.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!

Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it

U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it

What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.

If you were to ask me, ‘What is the easiest job in the world?’, it would be an Australian psychiatrist. “G’Day, G’Day…how you doing…no worries, next!”.

My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

White 40 year olds love little white kids and so does trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!

So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

How did hellen Keller know she went to hell? SHE DIDNT

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

I hope I’m not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough. Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don’t remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It’s not for drama, it’s because you’re bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

Addison.

Teacher: what’s your favorite animal

Me: Desert Eagle

Teacher:why?

Me:cause it fits in my backpack

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack

I always hit on 16, the get busted

If trees could kill you, they wood.

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday