Doctors jokes

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

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Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.

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Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus

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A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

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An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can’t help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I’m a family doctor

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My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

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A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

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Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer

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When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

‘PNEIS’

And form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

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My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

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Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

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What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…???

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